Happy New Year's Eve! Unless it's really New Year's Eve, and that means I'll have just posted this - I'm cheating and writing this before-hand, seeing as I'm actually spending New Year's Eve doing something exciting that will make me happy and I don't even have to get drunk.
That was a lie, I'm posting this now because I wrote it all and I didn't expect to it's midnight, even though it's the 27th/28th, not New Year's Eve..
I think I'm at a point where I should start making New Year's resolutions (yes, that's how you spell that word?), seeing as I have too much spare time on my hands, and I spend it feeling lonely and lurking the internet. This is going to change. I'm going to be happy and busy, all of the time, but busy in a happy way because I'll be busy doing things that make me happy not being busy doing things that make me stressed and only stressed.
Every year on the NaNoWriMo forums, people write lists of Doing Big, Fun and Scary Things Together the following year. And I've never done one - I don't think I've made a New Year's resolution since when I was about 8-10, when every year I would say, "My resolution is to make no more New Year's resolutions HAHA LOL." ('cept I didn't say "haha lol", because it was about 2003 and we just didn't say "haha lol" back then.
Anyways.
I'm making myself a list for the Year of Doing Big, Fun and Scary Things to pursue in 2011 and I'm posting it to my silent little blog, because like I've learnt with things like NaNoWriMo over the last year, if I tell people I'm going to do things and then boast about them a little, it motivates me because I don't want them to know I failed. Easy.
So, without furthur ado, here it is;
LIZZIE'S LIST OF BIG, FUN AND SCARY THINGS TO PURSUE IN 2011
1. KICK THE ASS OUTTA SOME GCSES
Most are in my next school year, but this January my first exam is also the one I'm most likely to fail - Physics, and due to a combination of our fairly awful teacher and the fact that I don't have a grip of most things sciencemathelogical I'm not feeling very confident about this one. RE is in June, which should be okay, and I think that my Biology exam's at some point. I should probably know these things.
My subgoal is to learn to properly focus and revise at home, which requires a mixture of willpower, concentration and determination which I don't have at all.
2. WRITE STUFF, ALL THE TIME
I seem to have the determination to do nothing but troll the internet outside of Script Frenzy and NaNoWriMo, but as I'm hoping to semi-publish my NaNo novel through CreateSpace I really need to give it that level of attention for the other ten months of the year. December was my time off. Now, I mean business.
3. BE MUSICAL.
I want to get a lot better at guitar, I want to really learn how to play the piano (a resolution in itself) - thus far, I mess around with chords and Youtube teaches me what it can, I've known for a while I should probably learn to read music fluently, it's just a good skill to have. I also want to improve my ukulele-playing skills, because it's awesome, and so I can play "Creep" like Amanda Palmer does here (sorry if the link didn't work).
4. BE PREEDY.
Yes, I'm secretly quite vain sometimes. Fix my hair, my skin (haha, sort of relates to the song above), and always look nice and controlled. No coming into school looking like a zombie and smelling like caffeine during November, nuh-uh.
5. BE KIND.
I'm not really a very nice person. Actually, I think inside none of us are a very nice person because we think mean thoughts and want things for ourselves, but nice people rein it in. I think once I was possibly just too shy and I did that. Nowadays, I'm too comfortable around people and I maybe even try too hard to be myself and the meanness comes through. I
will race an eleven year old girl for the last school canteen brownie. I tell my friends what I really think about my other friends, ect. And that's bad. It's a combination of this, 4, 3 and 8 which will make me a generally more likeable person (and maybe even complete 7? ;) See, there's selfish motivation in everything) and find people to do 6 with.
6. GO SEE A LOT OF GIGS.
Speaks for itself. And there's a sublist within this - made up of both bands and artists I really wish I could see, but maybe am unlikely to, and some who are just likely to tour anywhere near me in 2011 and might be fun. They're not all music, either...
- IAMX (likely to be in England at some point this year, I hope)
- Amanda Palmer, or the Dresden Dolls (it's possible)
- Derren Brown (he's coming to a theatre near me this spring, I found out the other day)
- Eels (I think I missed my chance as they did a UK tour last summer when I didn't really know who they were. Still, it'd be pretty awesome.)
Others involve Neil Gaiman, (and I mean reading stuff and not playing music, butI'd also pay to see that) though I don't know what chances are like, I'd love to go see Imogen Heap at some point, and also some stage shows. Oh, and Tim Minchin and Blue October and maybe even Robots In Disguise but I'm unsure of the likeliness of those last few people.
7. "GET THE GUY", LIKE I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE MOVIE BY NOW
Because really, it's about time.
I don't mean to tease my friends, who are about the only three readers of this blog and probably get curious, but I feel like this is something I need to mention because it's something I need to do. I don't know why I feel like there's a ticking clock, even though I'm fourteen and not thirty, but what if when I'm old and live alone, I realise that feeling like this was special and doesn't actually happen very often and that I should've done something? I'm not stupid (or not very brave) and I'll try to make progress before I do anything OTT, but there has to be a means to an end.
8. GET FIT.
My gym card's gathering dust, and it's probably time I did this, admitedly, Everything In Between inspired me. I'm not 12 anymore, I can't eat slices and slices of Melba toast without losing out somehow and Costa's caramel latte contains a lot more calories than I would have thought.
I want to run fast. I want to run in fields for hours and hours and not get sweaty or breathless at all and feel the wind in my hair and poetic stuff like that. Plus it'd make people think I was awesome, and it's useful if I'm ever chased by zombies or something.
9. WATCH MOVIES WHICH I SHOULD HAVE SEEN, READ BOOKS, LISTEN TO BANDS ECT
... and generally become more culturally enhanced. I don't like the looks on people's faces when they find out I'm a media student who hasn't seen "Star Wars" or "Jaws". I'm also going to make a list of books I'll read in 2011, maybe I'll post it here. I want my iPod to be even more full of magic and wonder. I want to experience awesomeness.
10. LIVE LIFE ON THE EDGE (because if you don't, you're taking up too much room)
When I watched Everything In-Between (can you tell how much it inspired me?! Go watch it!) I left wanting to run in fields, paint the kitchen, love someone and do all sorts of exciting things. It made me realise how lazy I am, and how much more I need to live. I want to be braver and to live in the moment, I want to take risks, even really stupid ones, and do awesome things - I have to talk in vague metaphors here, because I have no idea what I'm going to do. Maybe that's the point.
That's a cheesy line to end on.
I hope you have a brilliant New Year, and do Big, Fun, and Scary Things with me in 2011.
Night night, from December 27th (it's JUST hit midnight, how poetic).
- Lizzie
Monday 27 December 2010
Thursday 23 December 2010
Juno + parents = hypothetical pregnancy awkwardness
Yo.
it's December 23rd today - which makes it Christmas Eve Eve, and I'm off school now for two weeks. Instead of novel editing and rewriting, or doing some much needed physics revision I've spent my time off so far buying last minute Christmas presents.
I just watched the movie Juno (GREAT film) with my mum which turned out to be a mistake, because she's been going through a stage where she confronts me about anything teenage pregnancy related whether it's a story from a friend, an Amanda Palmer song. If I mention one of my friends' boyfriends or anything like that, she'll raise an eyebrow and a little glint appears in her eye. I went out for lunch with her today and made the mistake of bringing up two of my friends who she knows have been in a relationship since about August.
"So who else is dating?" she'll say, all of a sudden patronising and smiley, like she's asking one of the kids in her class what Santa's bringing them for Christmas. "What about you, are you dating?", which I shrug off with a "mhnehh." "No, you're not ready for dating yet," she assures me, which always makes me feel about 12 years old. The worst thing she says is, "So do they snog?"
She's more immature than we are.
But today I decided to come right out with an honest answer instead of being evasive, so when she asked me how soon I'd tell her if I got pregnant now, I said, "I probably wouldn't. I'd go get an abortion sneakily and you'd never know."
She blinked at me. "How would you get an abortion?" she challenged.
"I'd use a fake name. And I could pay for it, there's money in my account and I hope some of my friends would chip in. They care about me."
"So you couldn't tell me?"
"If I needed to. But that's only in an emergency."
And I would: telling her would be inconvenient. She'd want to know who I'd had sex with and then describe him to all of her friends on the phone. In some ways she's more gosspiy than my teenage girl friends.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5VgLOs0LwQ
This is Jonsi, who I came across just a few days ago and I really like so far. Jonsi is an openly gay musician from Iceland, who is blind in one eye and was lead singer of the band Sigur Ros. I was completley surprised today to find that HMV actually had not one but two copies of his album "Go", and Wikipedia defines his music as post-rock, ambient and baroque pop. I bought "Go" (a present from my great-aunt, who always gives me £20 at Christmas to "buy myself something nice), and I'm loving it so far, it's calm and magical and sort of takes me away somewhere.. The track I posted above, "Go Do" is complete beauty. To me it sounds like horses hooves and fields, and something else. It's lighthearted and happy, dances between soft and strong, loud and quiet, peaceful.
Tomorrow I'm singing Christmas songs and playing guitar at something called Plot 13 (that's the place it's at, I call it so because it makes it sound so much more exciting than it really is) in front of fifty or so people. The upside is, they aren't people I know. I'm excited and also nervous, it's probably good for me even though I'm going to have to wake up at 7am on Christmas Eve -> eventual sleep deprivation. It's the holidays but I've been so busy that it looks like I'm still sticking to my school sleeping pattern for the time being.
So I have to go and sleep now, see?
If we don't speak before, or I'm not back here, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
- lizzie
it's December 23rd today - which makes it Christmas Eve Eve, and I'm off school now for two weeks. Instead of novel editing and rewriting, or doing some much needed physics revision I've spent my time off so far buying last minute Christmas presents.
I just watched the movie Juno (GREAT film) with my mum which turned out to be a mistake, because she's been going through a stage where she confronts me about anything teenage pregnancy related whether it's a story from a friend, an Amanda Palmer song. If I mention one of my friends' boyfriends or anything like that, she'll raise an eyebrow and a little glint appears in her eye. I went out for lunch with her today and made the mistake of bringing up two of my friends who she knows have been in a relationship since about August.
"So who else is dating?" she'll say, all of a sudden patronising and smiley, like she's asking one of the kids in her class what Santa's bringing them for Christmas. "What about you, are you dating?", which I shrug off with a "mhnehh." "No, you're not ready for dating yet," she assures me, which always makes me feel about 12 years old. The worst thing she says is, "So do they snog?"
She's more immature than we are.
But today I decided to come right out with an honest answer instead of being evasive, so when she asked me how soon I'd tell her if I got pregnant now, I said, "I probably wouldn't. I'd go get an abortion sneakily and you'd never know."
She blinked at me. "How would you get an abortion?" she challenged.
"I'd use a fake name. And I could pay for it, there's money in my account and I hope some of my friends would chip in. They care about me."
"So you couldn't tell me?"
"If I needed to. But that's only in an emergency."
And I would: telling her would be inconvenient. She'd want to know who I'd had sex with and then describe him to all of her friends on the phone. In some ways she's more gosspiy than my teenage girl friends.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5VgLOs0LwQ
This is Jonsi, who I came across just a few days ago and I really like so far. Jonsi is an openly gay musician from Iceland, who is blind in one eye and was lead singer of the band Sigur Ros. I was completley surprised today to find that HMV actually had not one but two copies of his album "Go", and Wikipedia defines his music as post-rock, ambient and baroque pop. I bought "Go" (a present from my great-aunt, who always gives me £20 at Christmas to "buy myself something nice), and I'm loving it so far, it's calm and magical and sort of takes me away somewhere.. The track I posted above, "Go Do" is complete beauty. To me it sounds like horses hooves and fields, and something else. It's lighthearted and happy, dances between soft and strong, loud and quiet, peaceful.
Tomorrow I'm singing Christmas songs and playing guitar at something called Plot 13 (that's the place it's at, I call it so because it makes it sound so much more exciting than it really is) in front of fifty or so people. The upside is, they aren't people I know. I'm excited and also nervous, it's probably good for me even though I'm going to have to wake up at 7am on Christmas Eve -> eventual sleep deprivation. It's the holidays but I've been so busy that it looks like I'm still sticking to my school sleeping pattern for the time being.
So I have to go and sleep now, see?
If we don't speak before, or I'm not back here, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
- lizzie
Sunday 19 December 2010
Cats, "The Disappearance of Alice Creed" and P4A
Callie is sat next to me, padding around and making mruh noises, because all of the thick white stuff outside makes her paws cold. The cats are fighting because they're bored and there isn't very much else to do.
I've been away from the internet for about two days now, mainly because I didn't really have anything I wanted to share with anyone, and so I kept away from Twitter and Facebook and here until I didn't have anything else to do.
Friday night was strange. In the time I'd spent being a teenager so far, I'd never been particularly drunk or smoked or other stuff that I'm supposed to screw up my youth by doing, until the other night when I suddenly tried a little too hard at being exciting and hardcore. Nothing very bad happened, just enough to make me realise that it's probably better to spend my free nights sat at home on my computer drinking mocha.
Is that bad?
The good news is that, The Things We Stumble Across/The Wall/my 75% written novel is safe! Two weeks or so ago, my beloved laptop took its fourth trip to our favourite repair shop after a virus from a chain email, and had to be wiped completley. I don't trust Norton very much, and I've lost a lot of random crap I'd written, and for a while I thought I'd lost my novel, until this morning I found a memory stick that it was on.
I am so, so thankful and relieved.
Last night I watched a movie called The Disappearance of Alice Creed and it was completley brilliant, and it scared me more than any film I've seen before. To begin, two men in balaclavas shop for some soundproofing in B&Q then kidnap a young girl. By the end, there's so much more reason to everything. It was extremely low budget, there were three actors we saw in the whole movie. It built up an incredible amount of tension and fear inside me, I remember sitting and trembling during one of the first few scenes. The plot and the characters' past is unravelled throughout the movie, with no flashbacks but simply conversation.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX-LOYRupUA
I also want you to watch this - one of my favourite musician's videos for something going on on Youtube called Project 4 Awesome. Kina Grannis is a brilliant singer-songwriter and also an incredible woman, and I really did cry watching this video, and it surprised me because although charities' causes have made me sad and sympathetic before I'm usually quite a heartless cow when it comes to crying, as I've mentioned a lot. After Christmas when I'm no longer broke, I really do plan to donate to LLS.
I hope you have a good week.
- lizzie
I've been away from the internet for about two days now, mainly because I didn't really have anything I wanted to share with anyone, and so I kept away from Twitter and Facebook and here until I didn't have anything else to do.
Friday night was strange. In the time I'd spent being a teenager so far, I'd never been particularly drunk or smoked or other stuff that I'm supposed to screw up my youth by doing, until the other night when I suddenly tried a little too hard at being exciting and hardcore. Nothing very bad happened, just enough to make me realise that it's probably better to spend my free nights sat at home on my computer drinking mocha.
Is that bad?
The good news is that, The Things We Stumble Across/The Wall/my 75% written novel is safe! Two weeks or so ago, my beloved laptop took its fourth trip to our favourite repair shop after a virus from a chain email, and had to be wiped completley. I don't trust Norton very much, and I've lost a lot of random crap I'd written, and for a while I thought I'd lost my novel, until this morning I found a memory stick that it was on.
I am so, so thankful and relieved.
Last night I watched a movie called The Disappearance of Alice Creed and it was completley brilliant, and it scared me more than any film I've seen before. To begin, two men in balaclavas shop for some soundproofing in B&Q then kidnap a young girl. By the end, there's so much more reason to everything. It was extremely low budget, there were three actors we saw in the whole movie. It built up an incredible amount of tension and fear inside me, I remember sitting and trembling during one of the first few scenes. The plot and the characters' past is unravelled throughout the movie, with no flashbacks but simply conversation.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX-LOYRupUA
I also want you to watch this - one of my favourite musician's videos for something going on on Youtube called Project 4 Awesome. Kina Grannis is a brilliant singer-songwriter and also an incredible woman, and I really did cry watching this video, and it surprised me because although charities' causes have made me sad and sympathetic before I'm usually quite a heartless cow when it comes to crying, as I've mentioned a lot. After Christmas when I'm no longer broke, I really do plan to donate to LLS.
I hope you have a good week.
- lizzie
Wednesday 8 December 2010
I'm Going To Talk About The Dresden Dolls (featuring Herr Max Raabe)
At first, I wanted to write this blog about awesome covers of Britney Spears' song "Hit Me Baby One More Time", but it turned into something else. I don't know why I thought I should explain this.
I've been a fan of Amanda Palmer's for quite a long time, but I'd never really listened to her band, the Dresden Dolls, until they recently announced a comeback tour. I didn't get to see Evelyn Evelyn and, in vain hope, I told myself that maybe their tour would end up in the UK within the next few months.
I know most of Amanda Palmer's music but I hadn't heard the Dresden Dolls, so I thought before I planned on buying tickets to their potentially non-existant concert I should get to know all of their songs.
I knew how awesome Amanda Palmer was, and I imagined that the band would be mostly her. I completley underestimated Brian Vigilone's awesomeness.
Because Brian Vigilone is not just a drummer; I think that drummers are often thought of the backbone of most bands, with the exceptions of Ringo Star, Carl Palmer, Tom *McSurname* from IAMX and Focus' drummer, embarassingly I can't actually recall many names of percussionists from some of my favourite bands.
I'll talk about the Dresden Dolls more another time - perhaps I really will get to see them soon, but that's not the point. The point is that one night during NaNoWriMo this year I sat down at my computer and procrastinated by exploring all of the Dolls' music through Youtube. One of the brilliant things about them is the covers that they do at their live shows, and because of how special they are I compiled a list of some of my favourites for you.
I think maybe it's also a sorry for all the self indulgent crap I've been venting here recently.
COVERS
Cover of Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer
is perhaps my favourite, and definitely the funniest. Amanda on drums, Brian playing guitar, and Jason Webley's there because things are just more awesome when he is. I couldn't believe I hadn't realised that about the lyrics.
Another good one is Hit Me, Baby, One More Time
with somebody called Brendon Urie who I hadn't heard of before. Is that bad? Also, I squee'd at 2:33.
And this is how this week's blog almost ended up entirely a selection of hilarious covers of this song because of Max Raabe and the Palast Orchestra's version - in the style of 1920s German swing music. You'll find it. They deserve a blog to themselves, but it's wonderful.
Cover of Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of These)
by the Eurythmics is also pretty brilliant, because it's a mixture of guitars and drums and strings and the vocals sound pretty magic. Sxip Shirey's there too!
AND SOME OF MY FAVOURITES OF THE DOLLS' ORIGINAL SONGS
... because there aren't quite as many covers as I thought
I first heard Delilah when I was about 11 or 12, and I loved it, lost it and came back to the band years later. Look around, and you'll find a performance with just Amanda and a singer called Georgia something from a band called Bitter Ruin who are pretty awesome.
A brilliant song about friendship and anger and females.
One day soon I'm going to teach myself to play Coin Operated Boy on the piano (one day I'll explain how I only sort of play piano).
"But I know he feels like a boy should feel,
Isn't that the point?
That is why I want
A coin. Operated boy."
It's short and energetic and I'm never sure if it makes me laugh or feel faintly sad inside, because it's a brilliant example of how sometimes Amanda Palmer can write a cheerful song about something much more serious. The music video is good.
I haven't heard Shores of California as much as the others, but it's a really good song and a Youtube commenter made me laugh when comparing it to Katy Perry's "California Girls" song, because it makes you realise just what you're doing. It's upbeat, heavy on piano and in ways I feel weirdly like it's almost bordering on lounge music - just from the first verse or so. Sounds best spinning round on a chair at 2am.
And finally, Sing.
When I first heard this song recently, I was sure I'd heard it before somewhere. Maybe you've read about my take on crying - only the most random rel life situations make me cry, it takes an eventful movie but for music, it's easy. And this song gets me every time. It's beautiful, the lyrics are overpowering and make my stomach twist. It's one of the songs that made me fall in love with the Dolls. It's a demonstration of how Amanda Palmer just understands human beings. I'm pretty sure I want it at my funeral.
"Life is no cabaret,
We don't care what you say,
We're inviting you anyway,
You motherfuckers will sing some day."
it's LOVE.
I'll leave you with that today. Can you believe that took me a bit of Thursday, then forty five minutes just now to write?
Have a good week. Hope your doin' well.
Lizzie
I've been a fan of Amanda Palmer's for quite a long time, but I'd never really listened to her band, the Dresden Dolls, until they recently announced a comeback tour. I didn't get to see Evelyn Evelyn and, in vain hope, I told myself that maybe their tour would end up in the UK within the next few months.
I know most of Amanda Palmer's music but I hadn't heard the Dresden Dolls, so I thought before I planned on buying tickets to their potentially non-existant concert I should get to know all of their songs.
I knew how awesome Amanda Palmer was, and I imagined that the band would be mostly her. I completley underestimated Brian Vigilone's awesomeness.
Because Brian Vigilone is not just a drummer; I think that drummers are often thought of the backbone of most bands, with the exceptions of Ringo Star, Carl Palmer, Tom *McSurname* from IAMX and Focus' drummer, embarassingly I can't actually recall many names of percussionists from some of my favourite bands.
I'll talk about the Dresden Dolls more another time - perhaps I really will get to see them soon, but that's not the point. The point is that one night during NaNoWriMo this year I sat down at my computer and procrastinated by exploring all of the Dolls' music through Youtube. One of the brilliant things about them is the covers that they do at their live shows, and because of how special they are I compiled a list of some of my favourites for you.
I think maybe it's also a sorry for all the self indulgent crap I've been venting here recently.
COVERS
Cover of Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer
is perhaps my favourite, and definitely the funniest. Amanda on drums, Brian playing guitar, and Jason Webley's there because things are just more awesome when he is. I couldn't believe I hadn't realised that about the lyrics.
Another good one is Hit Me, Baby, One More Time
with somebody called Brendon Urie who I hadn't heard of before. Is that bad? Also, I squee'd at 2:33.
And this is how this week's blog almost ended up entirely a selection of hilarious covers of this song because of Max Raabe and the Palast Orchestra's version - in the style of 1920s German swing music. You'll find it. They deserve a blog to themselves, but it's wonderful.
Cover of Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of These)
by the Eurythmics is also pretty brilliant, because it's a mixture of guitars and drums and strings and the vocals sound pretty magic. Sxip Shirey's there too!
AND SOME OF MY FAVOURITES OF THE DOLLS' ORIGINAL SONGS
... because there aren't quite as many covers as I thought
I first heard Delilah when I was about 11 or 12, and I loved it, lost it and came back to the band years later. Look around, and you'll find a performance with just Amanda and a singer called Georgia something from a band called Bitter Ruin who are pretty awesome.
A brilliant song about friendship and anger and females.
One day soon I'm going to teach myself to play Coin Operated Boy on the piano (one day I'll explain how I only sort of play piano).
"But I know he feels like a boy should feel,
Isn't that the point?
That is why I want
A coin. Operated boy."
It's short and energetic and I'm never sure if it makes me laugh or feel faintly sad inside, because it's a brilliant example of how sometimes Amanda Palmer can write a cheerful song about something much more serious. The music video is good.
I haven't heard Shores of California as much as the others, but it's a really good song and a Youtube commenter made me laugh when comparing it to Katy Perry's "California Girls" song, because it makes you realise just what you're doing. It's upbeat, heavy on piano and in ways I feel weirdly like it's almost bordering on lounge music - just from the first verse or so. Sounds best spinning round on a chair at 2am.
And finally, Sing.
When I first heard this song recently, I was sure I'd heard it before somewhere. Maybe you've read about my take on crying - only the most random rel life situations make me cry, it takes an eventful movie but for music, it's easy. And this song gets me every time. It's beautiful, the lyrics are overpowering and make my stomach twist. It's one of the songs that made me fall in love with the Dolls. It's a demonstration of how Amanda Palmer just understands human beings. I'm pretty sure I want it at my funeral.
"Life is no cabaret,
We don't care what you say,
We're inviting you anyway,
You motherfuckers will sing some day."
it's LOVE.
I'll leave you with that today. Can you believe that took me a bit of Thursday, then forty five minutes just now to write?
Have a good week. Hope your doin' well.
Lizzie
Saturday 4 December 2010
Priorities, Nicci French Novels and Soul High Fives
Today somebody told me that I was being over-dramatic, and it scared me.
I'm pretty co-dependant in some ways, and I didn't realise it until recently. A lot of the time I'm around people, large groups of them, I get distressed and sulky and I shut myself off because I feel isolated or ignored or like I just don't really want to be there.
But I do like people. I like being alone with just one person, and usually any one person will do, because a one-to-one conversation is so much eassier to carry out that shouting and numerous topics and interruptions. If I get on well with somebody, to the point that conversation is so easy we're talking as we think things without encoding, it's like gold dust to me.* I met somebody a while ago who I was so similar to, and understood so well in some ways that it was as if they prodded through my intestines, set off wriggling motions in my stomach and high-fived my soul.
I also get attatched to objects and memories. M y drawers, my phone, my "C" drive are all full to the brim with things that I ignore and don't want to let go of. When I was a child I would stay up as late as I could the night after Christmas day because I didn't want it to end.
My French exchange partner has been so perfect and lovely over the last week she's been staying with me. We got on really well, her English is excellent and when I played her "I'll Be Your Man" (see last post) on the car radio she didn't ignore the music, like most people I play music to/at in cars, but she said she loved it and asked for the name of the song to write it down. On Thursday, I cried at random intervals throughout the day because I won't see her until March.
I felt pretty angry at my friend, who'd trotted into school at 12 o clock (we'd all had to be awake since 4am to drop the exchange students off, some had gone back home and spent the morning off school) and told me I was being over the top. But it was understandable. If it wasn't me, I would have quietly thought the same.
When my grandfather died, my mum called me; at the time, I was babysitting with my best friend.
"Grandpa George died," she told me, and the first thing I felt was guilt because I'd been talking cheerfully until then and then more guilt because I was surprised at just how much nothing I felt. I told Poppy, she hugged me, and I felt strange because I couldn't cry or feel or even think about it very much, at first.
Over the last year, exchange partners (German, then French) leaving have lead me into crying buckets but not deaths in the family, finding out the guy I thought I was in love with was in a relationship, even some really sad movies have possibly been more important but I never felt the same about any of those.
Apparently, I should sort my priorities out.
*Since last week's episode of The Apprentice, I've started using "gold dust" as a similie a lot. Forgive me.
___________________________________________________________
Again, that was a lot of self indulgent crap so I want to make up for it by talking about Nicci French.
Sean French and Nicci Gerrard are two ex journalists, I think, a married couple who write murder mystery novels and psychological thrillers under the joint penname Nicci French. As with a lot of books, I read "Losing You" on holiday because it was my mother's and I'd run out of my own books to read. It was brilliant, the twist in the ending was fantastic and I drank it all up within twenty four hours. I also read "Until It's Over", which I reaally liked and was beautifully written. it inspired me to want to write about roommates who were randomly thrown into living in a house together. And I did.
I was painfully disappointed when "Land of the Living" wasn't quite as good as the others, and now I think about it "What To Do When Someone Dies" was almost a waste of my time.
I don't know what the point to that was. You should give some Nicci French novels a try, especially if you like a story with a twist at the end - I do, and I was so shockingly delighted by "Losing You" that I think maybe my hopes were built up much too high by the time I read the others. But "Losing You" is absolutley excellent, and read some of their other books.
They're good. You'll like them.
I'm pretty co-dependant in some ways, and I didn't realise it until recently. A lot of the time I'm around people, large groups of them, I get distressed and sulky and I shut myself off because I feel isolated or ignored or like I just don't really want to be there.
But I do like people. I like being alone with just one person, and usually any one person will do, because a one-to-one conversation is so much eassier to carry out that shouting and numerous topics and interruptions. If I get on well with somebody, to the point that conversation is so easy we're talking as we think things without encoding, it's like gold dust to me.* I met somebody a while ago who I was so similar to, and understood so well in some ways that it was as if they prodded through my intestines, set off wriggling motions in my stomach and high-fived my soul.
I also get attatched to objects and memories. M y drawers, my phone, my "C" drive are all full to the brim with things that I ignore and don't want to let go of. When I was a child I would stay up as late as I could the night after Christmas day because I didn't want it to end.
My French exchange partner has been so perfect and lovely over the last week she's been staying with me. We got on really well, her English is excellent and when I played her "I'll Be Your Man" (see last post) on the car radio she didn't ignore the music, like most people I play music to/at in cars, but she said she loved it and asked for the name of the song to write it down. On Thursday, I cried at random intervals throughout the day because I won't see her until March.
I felt pretty angry at my friend, who'd trotted into school at 12 o clock (we'd all had to be awake since 4am to drop the exchange students off, some had gone back home and spent the morning off school) and told me I was being over the top. But it was understandable. If it wasn't me, I would have quietly thought the same.
When my grandfather died, my mum called me; at the time, I was babysitting with my best friend.
"Grandpa George died," she told me, and the first thing I felt was guilt because I'd been talking cheerfully until then and then more guilt because I was surprised at just how much nothing I felt. I told Poppy, she hugged me, and I felt strange because I couldn't cry or feel or even think about it very much, at first.
Over the last year, exchange partners (German, then French) leaving have lead me into crying buckets but not deaths in the family, finding out the guy I thought I was in love with was in a relationship, even some really sad movies have possibly been more important but I never felt the same about any of those.
Apparently, I should sort my priorities out.
*Since last week's episode of The Apprentice, I've started using "gold dust" as a similie a lot. Forgive me.
___________________________________________________________
Again, that was a lot of self indulgent crap so I want to make up for it by talking about Nicci French.
Sean French and Nicci Gerrard are two ex journalists, I think, a married couple who write murder mystery novels and psychological thrillers under the joint penname Nicci French. As with a lot of books, I read "Losing You" on holiday because it was my mother's and I'd run out of my own books to read. It was brilliant, the twist in the ending was fantastic and I drank it all up within twenty four hours. I also read "Until It's Over", which I reaally liked and was beautifully written. it inspired me to want to write about roommates who were randomly thrown into living in a house together. And I did.
I was painfully disappointed when "Land of the Living" wasn't quite as good as the others, and now I think about it "What To Do When Someone Dies" was almost a waste of my time.
I don't know what the point to that was. You should give some Nicci French novels a try, especially if you like a story with a twist at the end - I do, and I was so shockingly delighted by "Losing You" that I think maybe my hopes were built up much too high by the time I read the others. But "Losing You" is absolutley excellent, and read some of their other books.
They're good. You'll like them.
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